Floating Underneath the Sun and Moon - A Trip To Tenerife
Spontaneously, I decided to book a weekend trip to Rome with my friend. The same friend that I visited Tenerife with only a few months prior. As we commenced our video call where we finalised the details of our booking, I began to reminisce on our earlier experiences.
Before embarking on this holiday, I had not left my country in five years. When I was in Crete those years ago, I fell ill with homesickness and I struggled to cope. It was the first time I had been away without my family - unless you count a few days at the Isle of Wight with my school peers. A time when I was not mentally developed enough to understand what loneliness was.
When I went to Crete with another family, I was at a vulnerable place in my life. Things were happening to me that I have only now addressed and accepted. Being so emotionally sensitive, even something as luxurious as a holiday was painful for me to endure. The distance between my family and I was far too much for me to bear. I would have hoped that over five years later, I would not have these same reactions to space. Yet, life only got darker in those years. My loneliness became engraved in my skin - as opposed to splashing against it in waves like it used to.
As I hugged my mother and said “goodbye” at the train station, my throat caught. Eyes flooding with tears and fear, I eventually left her and stepped onto the platform. Most people do not cry because they are going on holiday. Most people do not drown in anxiety as they make their way to a warm country where the only objective is to relax. Most people are not like me.
Through puffy eyelids and bloodshot vision, I saw my friend waiting for me at the airport. It being three o’clock in the morning, my state could have easily masqueraded as fatigue. Eating an early breakfast at Starbucks, we updated each other on recent occurrences. Subjects mainly surrounding men. My friend, informing me of her last date with a gentleman. Me, saying that no men are decent humans and I would rather be alone. Getting lost in conversation and frappuccinos, we ran to the rapidly closing gate. I left my Starbucks cup behind. My friend must have not yet finished hers as I heard a rather irritated staff member call out, “Maybe if you didn’t stop for a Starbucks, you wouldn’t have been late!”
Stepping off the plane that we very almost missed, my eyes began streaming from the beaming sun. I believe that it attempted to rinse my eyes dry so that I had no more left for the duration of my stay. And, it worked.
A simple holiday was all I wanted. Sun and sea. Something to settle my brain from the noise that had built in the past years. So, we ate pancakes for breakfast. My friend’s plate accompanied by a glass of fruit juice. Mine, by two coffees. Filling the space between dipping in and out of the pool, I read a novel and she played sudoku. Taking breaks from the hot sun, we visited the shade to participate in numerous activities. Bingo - which I love. Rifle shooting - something I have always wanted to do. Although, I was the only one there who was unable to hold the gun properly. (There were seven-year-olds.) Despite occupying the longest amount of time to shoot the target, my friend stood on the sidelines cheering me on. Surprisingly, I placed third in the competition.
Poignant and rich, a memory I will hold dear is our time by the sea. Deepwater has feared me for most of my life. The sensation of being underwater for mere seconds induces an immense level of anxiety. For this reason, my toes are the only part of me that has entered the ocean. Walking through Hyde Park discussing our upcoming holiday, I mentioned that I want to face this fear. I want to embrace the sea - the way my friend does. Many things have occurred during those years that I did not believe I could endure. This was just another thing to tick off the list. Truly, I believe that when we confront and overcome our fears, we become our most authentic selves - opening our hearts to new opportunities and feelings.
Gingerly, I stepped into the water wearing a black swimsuit. My body eventually embraced within the hands of nature, I was in. I was within the sea. “I want to float,” I said. Inside my mind, I tend to see this vision of me resting on top of the ocean waves. Allowing all of the pain present inside of me to bubble to the surface and evaporate into the sky. A vision where I am free. At first, my friend supported my body as I attempted to let go of my fears. Once she felt I was ready, she left me to float alone. I did it. I was floating. “1, 2, 3…” After counting ten seconds aloud, I found my feet back onto the rocks. My eyes meeting those of my friend’s. Filled with pride. I was overcome with a happiness that I will forever be grateful to her for gifting me.
It was our final night before heading back to England. Slipping on an extremely low-cut nude dress, we researched beach-front restaurants online. Locating one mere minutes from our hotel, we sat opposite each other. While the glittering sea sat opposite us. As the sun set onto the shore, we ate paella and drank sangria. On the rooftop above us, two women had just got married and we listened to their loved ones dance all night. Following a story my friend told me about her friends barely acknowledging her birthday the year before on a trip to Portugal, I ensured that she felt special this time. Though her birthday was not present in the near future, I gave her a sash that read “Queen For A Day”. People who were passing wished my friend a “Happy birthday” and before I could even ask them, the waiters supplied a flaming dessert platter which we shared - for free.
Once the sun had fully set, it was the moon’s turn to float above the waves. While the wedding presented a fireworks display, my friend and I sat beneath the sparks. Watching. Truly, we were both slightly terrified. But, we remained underneath the flashing sky. I realised on that trip that, even if you are scared, you can overcome anything when you are with the right person.
